Nancy vs. Patsy

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Don’t know what a follicle is? (I sure as hell didn’t know what is was pre-infertility treatment) Here is a definition from wisegeek.org: An ovarian follicle is a round cellular structure found in the ovaries that contains an egg, or oocyte, which matures inside the follicle and is eventually released during ovulation. It also secretes hormones that influence stages of the ovarian cycle. Human women are born with over a million ovarian follicles, each with the potential to release an egg for fertilization.

I’ll make this a quick post. I went to see the doc this morning for an ultrasound to see how my follies had grown over the past week. I had several small follicles on my right ovary that I didn’t get measurements for. I had a couple of small ones on my left ovary but I also had a larger one that was 17mm….just 1 mm away from 18! Yay! Also, my lining is at 7 and ideally it needs to be 10. They seemed pretty pleased about this but also worried that I had too many follicles that were big enough to be eggs. So then I had to wait again, wait for my blood test results to come in and for the nurse to call me. I was a nervous wreck until I got the call. My estrogen level was at 100, this told them that I only had one follicle that contained an egg, most likely the 17mm one. So since that lessened their fears of us having sextuplets we can continue this cycle! I will do 100IUs tonight and tomorrow night and go back in Monday morning for another ultrasound. And hopefully that follicle is at 18 or bigger and my other little follies haven’t grown much more. And hopefully my lining is a 10 or better and we can do the trigger shot and get this train a-moving! Finally, some good news!

And then I have been trying to fight the Negative Nancy deep down inside me, she is saying things like “what if your body doesn’t respond well and you have to cancel the cycle on Monday?” “What if you follow through with the cycle but still don’t get pregnant?” So many things to worry about, I am trying to just be happy but I also don’t want to be naive either. In the past, naivety got me nowhere but slapped in the face by bad news. Yes, Negative Nancy is a biotch and is trying to ruin the fun but Positive Patsy is thinking of baby names and how to decorate the nursery. Maybe I need both Nancy and Patsy in order to stay sane, if I think all negative I will get utterly depressed and if I think all positive I will be absolutely crushed by bad news.

My fellow female fertility bloggers, what do you think? How do you weigh the positive and negative? Am I getting ahead of myself to make plans for a baby that isn’t even in my uterus yet?

10 thoughts on “Nancy vs. Patsy

  1. First of all I will be praying that your 17 is at least an 18 by Monday and gives you a beautiful little egg! Second I think we all struggle….or at least I do…with finding balance between the hope and reality. I think it is a good idea to be grounded and know that this might not be your cycle but I also think that with every cycle you must have hope that this could be the month. So hoping for you this is it!!!

    • Thank you. You know people tell me it is God’s plan. I pray this is the plan. I was trying to look up some success rates on using gonadotropins but haven’t found anything scientific. I just have to think: I’m still young, I’m doing everything I can within my power and so I have a good chance of being on the successful side of statistics. Now I just need a higher power!!

  2. My heart knows the pro and con debate for each cycle all too well. I hope your follie grows strong and healthy. At the end of the day, you only need one! But i’m sure like all of us in our fertility struggles, would like to give those swimmers more than one target. Its the struggle of not getting your hopes up, but you have to have faith. I read all kinds of crazy stories where all the odds are against a particular cycle… but then that’s the cycle that end up with a BFP!! Hang in there and plenty of baby dust to you!!!

    • I think I just decided to choose to be positive. I’m going to be crushed either way. I just read your blog and I thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. It’s a really hard decision to make, if you want to put yourself out there like this. But back to positivity, I realized how grateful and excited I am to just be at that point where I could even take a pregnancy test. I was able to last month and though it wasn’t the result I wanted, I’m just glad we are able to try to conceive now whereas before we were just trying to correct all of my issues. Hopefully we have a little fighter follicle in there that will soon be our baby!

  3. You’re just getting excited. I think it’s totally normal. To me, it’s worse not to think positive going into a cycle so I say listen to Patsy more than Nancy!!! Good luck with your cycle!

    • Jessah,
      Thank you. I decided today that I will be positive because I will be equally crushed if it doesn’t work regardless of if I had negative or positive thoughts. I’m imagining that 17mm follicle as our future baby! Good luck to you on your cycle, I’ve been keeping a look out to hear all your results. And I loved your post from yesterday, I have to be thankful for the chances I DO have because there are those who are worse off than Josh and I.

  4. I think you’ve made a wise decision to listen to Patsy. My therapist tells me that thinking positively won’t make good things happen to me. However, thinking negatively, will steal all of the joy out of your life. I understand you want to remain realistic, but a failed cycle is devastating either way. Enjoy Patsy! You deserve positive thought.

    Praying for you today and that follie to be at a happy 18!

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