I wrote a post a while back called “I Am Thankful for My Infertility” and it caused quite a stir in some of the fertility forums. Some people loved it and some people hated it. It’s kind of funny because I am the least controversial person you will ever meet. Seriously, I live my life in all of the gray areas. But some people thought I was diminishing the pain of infertility and/or being insensitive. And I am not sure how someone who is going through infertility can rightfully be accused of this. Anyway, I stand by my post, they were MY thoughts and it’s MY blog and I can write whatever I want. However, maybe I could of approached it differently, such as “things I have learned from my infertility” instead. But it was Thanksgiving so, alas, I used thankful.
Anyhow, I have continued to grow through this journey and I have learned so many more important things that I maybe wouldn’t have had I been able to conceive easily. So here is a continuation to that much disputable post.
I have learned:
1. To throw all modesty out the window. It is hard to stay prudish when you have to get half naked for near strangers once a week. This was hard for me at first but now it’s almost as routine as brushing my teeth.
2. That my husband will be an excellent father. As if there was anything that Saint Joshua isn’t good at. I can’t wait to see it. 🙂
3. That the women I have connected with via blogging are amazing. Allison at Our Journey to You, Jessah at Dreaming of Dimples and Laura at Making Baby Provence are all incredibly strong women. I know we have and may never meet in person, but we are kindred souls and I am so glad I found you ladies. There is something about knowing you aren’t alone that can cure sadness, even if it’s for a small moment in time. I can’t wait for the day that we have all reached our goal and have the families we so desire.
4. People can be so helpful and wonderful. For some reason I’ve kind of been a misanthropic person most of my life. But the fact that I have only had my fundraiser page up for 2 days and have already $460 is mind-blowing!!! Also, I have received so many messages from people that are supporting us and praying for us. You have no idea how much it means to be acknowledged and to have such positive thoughts come our way. Much of the support is coming from the most unexpected places. So thank you.
5. Negativity has no place in my life right now. Yes, maybe I am being selfish but I just have to do what I have to do to survive. I already have enough emotional pain, physical pain, negative results and negative thoughts to fill my time. I. just. can’t. handle. anymore. I have learned to just take any negativity in my life and let it go. It’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. This doesn’t mean I’m completely emotionally unavailable, it just means I access it and then let it go shortly thereafter. Call it a survival mechanism.
6. That shaving in the shower should be an Olympic sport. I had doctor’s orders to take showers only during our last cycle. Trying to balance on one leg with a razor to your skin whilst you are trying to avoid getting water on your face or in your hair (on a non-shampoo day) is quite the feat. I sure am glad to have my ability to bathe back.
7. To get over my fear of needles. Trypanophobia has no place in the life of an infertile.
8. That not exercising for a few weeks won’t kill me. I was ordered to not do any exercising outside of walking my dogs during our last cycle. I was terrified I would gain a lot of weight, it turns out I actually lost weight after dropping all of the OHSS bloat.
9. That exercise IS still really important. I never quite understood why I dedicate an hour or so a day to exercising until I couldn’t. I finally felt well enough to do some moderately intense exercise today and realized that I had been very depressed. Within 5 minutes of starting my weights I found myself smiling involuntarily. I needed some of those endorphins, man.
10. That I am incredibly lucky to have my job. I have great coworkers and supervisors. I am proud to say I’ve been there 4 years now and I know exactly why. I have a flexible schedule, lots of PTO and they treat me like I am family.
So, in conclusion, of course I would rather have a child than to have a blog and be writing this but it is reality. And I am always trying to make the best of it.