Last Monday after we got the news that my body was defiant with us I sat down to watch the series finale of “How I Met Your Mother”. I already had so many mixed emotions pent up inside of me and the end of one of my favorite shows didn’t help me at all. And it ended in such a sad way, I will give away some spoilers here so if you don’t want to know then avert your eyes!
I had watched the main character, Ted, search for his soul mate for 9 seasons. I watched him date all the wrong women and get his heart broken dozens of times. But I continued watching because I loved seeing all the moments that lead him to be the man he needed to become in order to be perfect for the mother of his children. They briefly showed the love that they had, we got to see them have their children and then she gets sick and dies, DIES! I was so depressed, so depressed to know that we can be waiting forever for the stars to align ever so perfectly for us and that we can still end up disappointed. Even this beloved show had to slap me in the face and withhold my happy ending! I went to bed wondering if there are any happy endings in life. I ended up a teary mess and a ball of regret, anger and depression. Josh came to bed and held me until I was able to calm myself down enough to even breathe. I went to bed that night with a lot of doubt. But then I woke up to this note from the hubs the next morning:
If you don’t believe anything good can come out of such a crappy situation, think again. Think of this letter. This letter increased my love for Josh times a million when I didn’t even know I had the capacity to love someone more. And I realized that Josh is my happy ending, regardless of how long we get to be married, how long we both live or however many kids God decides to bless us with.
Oh and we decided to do IVF in June so I started my BC pills last week. I am still trying to process what the next few months has in store…