My plan was to wait until our first ultrasound in a week or two to announce our pregnancy via a cutesy photo. My plan was to write how thankful I am for all of your financial and emotional support. I was going to say that I owe it all to you and that none of this could have happened without all of you. My plan was to finally have a baby a month before I turned 30. And to be pregnant throughout the Fall, Winter and Early Spring. I hate the Summer so that is just perfect for me. Our plan was to then start doing all the shopping and decorating the nursery. And my plan was to be pregnant with some of my infertility sisters. I guess God had other plans.
Wednesday, September 10th: My beta was 25, Dr. Bundren said I had a positive pregnancy test and was definitely pregnant, I just had to go back on Monday to confirm my HCG levels were rising accordingly.
Monday, September 15th: My beta was 4, Dr. Bundren said I must have had an abnormal embryo that couldn’t survive much past implantation. He said we had great embryos, but a lot of them are just abnormal and no one knows why.
It’s hard to think of anything else other than I spent $16,000 for a miscarriage. Who pays for this kind of shit? Sadists I tell ya. We are sadists. I had almost forgotten what a broken heart feels like. Now I remember you, you ruthless old friend. It’s as though my chest is being sat on, my heart is being constantly bludgeoned and I am being suffocated simultaneously.
I was finally able to recover my relationship with the man upstairs over the past several months. But it seems I am being tested again. How much more do you want from me? The picture above is one I have had on my phone so that I wouldn’t Google every symptom and thought throughout these exciting and terrifying couple of weeks. I did pretty good on trusting through all this. I hope I don’t lose it all now.
I really do appreciate everything that you all have done for us. You have been so supportive and I really couldn’t have done all of this without you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. As for our next step? I have no idea. We had no eggs to freeze so we are back to square one. I don’t think I can do this again for a while.
Pray for us,