This has been by far one of the worst days I have had since beginning this journey. We had a IVF follow up appointment today with the doctor. Some call this the “WTF Apppointment?!?!?!?” but my friend Laura from Making Baby Provence gave me the idea. Her doctor is all high tech and gadgety. They have to log on to an online portal to get their information about results, appointments, etc. and her consultation appointment after her failed cycle was labeled IVFFU. We decided we like that better…
Here were my questions for my doctor:
What are the consequences of trying naturally for a while and staying off of birth control?
The consequences could be that my PCOS would cause more symptoms. Meaning that I may gain weight, develop cysts in my ovaries, have increased acne (due to the fact that I already have it) and I could possibly lose all the hair on my head and grow the lost hair onto the rest of my body. Now I know that I’m being a bit dramatic here, but we are talking worst case scenario. I think he believes that if I stay on Metformin that the PCOS will stay under control. The consequences of not taking birth control pills (which treat my endometriosis and prevent it from growing) would be that it could all come back and we could start out where we were almost 2 years ago with another laparoscopy. He did say that 6 months was a reasonable amount of time to be off of birth control without having all of my symptoms return.
Why did we end up with only 2 low grade blastocysts when we started with 18?
He was very concerned by this number. And he said it could mean one of two things: 1. I could have old eggs that will just never be good and 2. We could have just got a bad batch this time and they may be better next time (or they may be worse). That was enlightening and encouraging.
What are our chances of conceiving naturally?
He simply answered with: “I wish I could say they were high.” And he elaborated with reminding us of my blocked fallopian tubes that may never be able to carry an ovulating egg to my oh so empty womb. To which I asked, “so why did we spend 6 months on Lupron trying to heal them if you didn’t think they could be healed?” More importantly, why did we spend several more months doing timed intercourse cycles and an IUI cycle if you believed my tubes weren’t functioning properly?
Can we test to see if I have any underlying conditions that may cause us to miscarry again?
Basically he said no, but in 5,000 or so words. To sum it up, research indicates that it doesn’t help anyone more than it hurts them in the long run. And I don’t show any family history or signs of blood clotting disorders, etc. Which still doesn’t make sense to me. How can miscarriages not be as painful as some tests?
What would you do different in our next cycle?
The only thing he would change would be to put me on 200mg of CoQ10 twice daily instead of 100 once daily to possibly improve my egg quality.
Will increasing my Metformin help me to ovulate?
No. Because my PCOS is not typical and I’m not overweight or have high blood sugar that it would hurt me more than help me. It would make my blood sugar even lower than it already is.
So I ended up leaving today more confused and with less hope than I have ever had. The only thing he knew for sure of was that I was pregnant and now I’m not. I was all hyped up to try naturally until we pay off our current IVF loan. I had faith in it all until I went into this appointment. Now all of my dreams are just crushed. We have no baby and we are left with no money, our old cars, the same old same old we have always had. We’ve talked about taking a vacation but I feel guilty about every single dollar I spend. Because that could be money for a baby. A baby that may never exist. Dr. Bundren said he believes in taking a lot of time between cycles so that one can emotionally heal. He also said that most couples do 2.5 IVF cycles before giving up because they can’t handle it emotionally. And that he has seen people end up $30,000 in debt and with twins. Yikes! I don’t want that to be us. I don’t want us to have that kind of stress. I am pretty sure we left that appointment with the plan to stay off birth control at least until December. I will go in in December for a check up to see how my body is handling being BC free and go from there. I still have faith, even if Dr. B and Josh don’t, my mom reminded me that God is the one who decides these things, not doctors. Man I really need a vacation. This is all too much.