I hope everyone had a safe and blessed Thanksgiving!!!
It’s hard to believe that I started this blog over a year ago. One of my first posts was called I Am Thankful for My Infertility and it is one that I am the most proud of having written. I am proud because it has changed the way I think about events in my life. Every time I get a negative ovulation test (which is every day), every time I have got a negative pregnancy test and when I got that dreaded call from my doctor telling me there was no longer a progressing pregnancy, I did the only thing I could think of to do. I made a mental list of all the things I am grateful for. There are every day things I am grateful for, the things I take for granted that many others pray for daily. I have a wonderful handsome husband and two precious little pups. We live in a beautiful home in a safe and attractive neighborhood. Both of my parents are still alive and I have great relationships with them. My job pays well, is rewarding, exciting, flexible and always keeps me on my toes. There are very few days that I dread going to work… and I never thought those words would come out of this lazy girl’s hands. Not to mention my co-workers and supervisors are all very supportive and understanding. I am also thankful for having the most caring friends imaginable.
It has become easy to think about everyday things that I am thankful for, the most difficult challenge is when I have to be thankful for the hardships in my life. I try every day to be thankful because of my infertility, not in spite of it. The theory behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that our thoughts become our feelings. So if you can change negative thought processes to be more positive then one can change their emotional state as well. I think I am genetically and behaviorally predisposed to being a Negative Nancy so I have to try extra hard to think those positive thoughts.
I know that having infertility has continued to strengthen my marriage. When I married Josh, I never thought I could feel so much love for a person. I am bonded to him more than I could ever be to anyone in this world. My feelings for him transcend romantic love, so much so that I feel I have no words to describe it. This man shows me unconditional love on a daily basis. He probably doesn’t even know that he sets a great example for how to love. I may get grumpy and complain that he doesn’t spend enough time with me, that he plays too many video games or that he procrastinates and has trouble finishing tasks (seriously, my chandelier has been halfway hung since last December and the leaves have been raked into piles for two days now). But I am learning how to appreciate him for who he is and learning to love how video games recharge him and how task jumping keeps him motivated to do so many productive things. I learn by imitating him and he never complains about me. And I can guarantee it isn’t because I am perfect and there is nothing to complain about: I can never make up my mind, I get bored with life easily, I am NOT good at entertaining myself and I complain about everything. But you will never hear him say that to me or anyone else.
I am also thankful for my continued and ever improving relationship with God. I always kind of doubted Christianity, probably because of my Native American origin. I don’t know if I was raised to be more spiritual or if it’s just natural. If I had to sum up my beliefs it would be that humans, animals and Earth are all connected and that nothing happens by accident. The concept of Christianity always seemed so magical and unbelievable, but then again so are my core beliefs. And I always wondered why people turned to God in times of need. I thought you should just be angry at God if you don’t have what you need. But I see now that we can’t all have what we THINK we need. If so this world would be full of overabundance and superfluous things. And if I got what I prayed for I would be married to Jason from 2nd grade and have a pony. I still believe in the connection of everyone and everything, I just see it more from a Christian perspective. And I see that He was here for me all along and it was me that had to go to Him. I still lose my way from time to time and continue to think that I have control over anything. Putting all of my worries into God’s hands has made me a new person. It is still hard sometimes and I still feel like a total phony talking about it but I am continuing to grow in my faith.
And last but not least, I am thankful for the people it has taken out and brought into my life. For a while I thought infertility took my friends away from me. But I see now that it just brought my real friends to me. I never expected to form the relationships that I have now but I am so grateful for them. I am still blown away by the support I get from my friends from real life on Facebook and friends on this blog. The negative, doubtful side of me just gets angry that I didn’t appreciate them sooner, but I know that all things are supposed to be as they are. So thank you to everyone who sends me kind messages of support, comments on my blog and even like my Facebook posts. I may not always acknowledge you but I see you and appreciate you more than you know. I am just not very good with showing love and care.
But enough of my blabbing, let’s get to the winner of the Bloghop Thanksgiveaway! It was difficult to match all the commenters to those who follow my blog so I decided to just put all the names of the commenters and those who followed my blog in the past week into a list on random.org and let it choose the winner at random. I wish I could give all of you something! I am so thankful for all of you who commented and followed my blog!!!!!!
And the winner of the beautiful Prayer Wish Box necklace is…….
To claim your prize, send an email to email@example.com to customize your necklace and give shipping information. For those of you who didn’t win my blog prize, head on over to the other blogs to see if you won there!
You can also go to the Fertile Gems shop and get a discount! The code is for 25%OFF anything in the shop is : BLOGHOP14 and it expires Nov 30th.
Thanks again for entering!