Parent Guilt

The Monday after Christmas my brother-in-law came over to the house to watch a football game. Our dog, Izzie is always incredibly excited to see her Uncle Jordan and she runs around in circles and yelps in excitement. This time she did just the same and when she jumped on the couch she began to wail in pain. I rushed to her side and noticed she wasn’t touching her back right foot to the ground. She was no longer in pain but limped everywhere. Josh took her to the vet the next day and they told us she tore her ACL. Damn it.

We were told she would need surgery and it would cost roughly $2,000. As if the money wasn’t a big enough issue we were also told that she wouldn’t be able to walk excessively, run, jump or climb stairs for at least 8 weeks, ideally 12. She went in for surgery that Friday morning, it was successful and I praised God for that. I constantly have anxiety about something bad happening to my babies so I had convinced myself that something was going to go terribly wrong.

We were given some pain medication, antibiotics and a sedative to keep her calm and “quiet”, meaning she has to be pretty much still outside of potty breaks. She also has to wear a cone due to her being lick happy on the 9 staples she now has on her knee. The first few days were okay, I hated that she was so out of it but it was easy for her to keep still since she was still recovering from surgery. But come Monday she wanted to be able to follow me around all over the house again and chase every noise outside. It has been really difficult to have an eye on her every second. I also never realized until this past week that she is constantly moving around and she always has to be wherever I am. Which means I just carry her everywhere now. I don’t have the heart to leave her in her cage for most of the day. The surgeon also said not to do that if she thrashes around in the cage because it can do just as much damage. Which she does. Lucky us.

But it seems like I can’t do anything right with her. If I sit her down for a second to put my shoes on to take her outside she slips on the tile and falls. If I give her slack on the leash outside she takes off running. If I take my eye off her a second to answer a phone call she jumps off the damn couch. If I even so much as pee I have to put her in her cage or give her to Josh to watch. Josh does this all day as he works from home, by the way. I told a friend that we basically have a newborn that can get up and walk. Not to mention the emotional pain from forcing my once active dog to be still and calm when all she wants to do is be a dog. She doesn’t understand why she can’t do anything.

I feel so guilty about everything. I have even wished I didn’t have her as a dog because she has had so many health issues. And it doesn’t help that Josh is pointing out everything that I do wrong with her. Is this what being a parent will be like all the time? If so, I don’t know if I want to or can do it. That’s the thing about having to spend thousands to have your own kiddos, you really think a lot about whether or not it is worth it. I can’t help but wonder if this is why we haven’t been given our own children yet. Maybe we would be really bad parents. It has only been a week and we are already criticizing each other non-stop and wanting to strangle each other we are so stressed. One week down, 7 to go.

cone

Pray for us,

Kacy

 

 

2 thoughts on “Parent Guilt

  1. Trust your instincts. We are going through the same thing with our 5 year old lab. He was diagnosed the lymphoma last December and has now been thriving for 13months! He is on a ton of med and gets up through the night every 30 minutes. My husband and I we’re grieving, angry at the situation, stressed about finances, sleep deprived and so many other emotions. We learned day by day how to deal with everything. 13 months later, our dog still gets up every 30 minutes and we still are poor, BUT we handle it so much better. Praying for you both:)

    • Thank you so much. It has gotten a bit better. We are all getting more used to the new routine of caring for her. She’s also pretty grateful and understands a bit more now. I’ll be praying for you guys as well, it seems you are in a much more difficult situation. I hope your baby beats this. It sounds like you are all doing a great job.

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