No Disease or Divorce

First of all, sorry the title isn’t all chocolates and roses. It will make sense later, I promise. 🙂

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day! It came at the perfect time for Josh and I. We were starting to get into a slump. I don’t know if it’s just because we are in a weird period in our lives right now (with not being in a cycle or having much hope for a baby), if it’s just too cold and dreary outside, if Josh is just incredibly busy with growing his business or if it’s just normal for marriages to ebb and flow. Though I am pretty sure it’s a united mix of all the above. Needless to say, I was slapped in the face with the reality that I wasn’t doing enough as a wife to show my love and appreciation for my favorite person on Earth. Side note: sorry for all the anecdotes in this post, but I promise they are relevant!

First, one of my blogging friends started her new blog that will chronicle her new single life after infertility. I got her first post recently and that hit me hard, I really feel for her. Mostly because it terrifies me that this will happen to Josh and I. She seems to be doing pretty great and seems to have come to an understanding as to why things haven’t worked out for her in the past. She has met a man who has the same wants and desires as her and her life seems to be falling into place. Of course I am happy for her but I always worry and wonder if this is why Josh and I don’t have children yet. Are we still childless because we aren’t supposed to be together? I love Josh and I feel he is the perfect man for me but I pray that God doesn’t have other plans.

A few years ago, my cousin and her husband had difficulty getting pregnant and she had some exploratory surgery to figure out why they weren’t conceiving. And that’s when the doctor found her cancer. My belief is that had she not had infertility she wouldn’t have caught her cancer so quickly. Infertility may have just saved her life. And if you don’t know Guiliana Rancic, she and her husband tried for years to have a baby. When they went to do IVF with a new doctor he required her to do a lot of testing to be sure she was healthy enough to have a child, one of those tests was a mammogram and they soon found out she had breast cancer. So infertility may have just saved her life as well. I also hear of a lot of other stories where a husband and wife are infertile, they split up and end up easily having children with their new spouses. That is bittersweet, tragic in that they split up but serendipitous that they both ended up happy in the end.

Lord, whatever plans you have brewing up there, please no disease and please no divorce!

The aforementioned new blog is probably the reason for my nightmare the night before Valentine’s Day. All the details have faded away but the gist was that Josh wanted a divorce and he hated me! I woke up all sweaty and crying, it was so vivid and I was for sure it was real until I was awake for a few minutes. Needless to say, I was determined to make Valentine’s Day very important. I had this great idea that truly belonged to Josh: a few weeks ago I was looking at these cute Valentine’s decorated Rice Krispie treats online and I showed them to Josh. A few days later I came home to this cute basket full of all the ingredients I would need to make the scrumptious treats I so desired. treatsI was a bit lazy and only decorated a few but Josh had made a few comments about how much he loved the ones with icing on them. The rest went bad sitting there for a week, so I woke up super early Valentine’s Day (8am is early for me on a Saturday) and got the ingredients to make more for Josh. I made them and put them in my car for most of the day until I could sneak off into the closet and cut them out with cookie cutters and decorate them. Here is the finished product:

valentines day

I knew he would love the taste of the treats and the thought put into them. But I knew he would mostly appreciate me being chill and relaxed for our Valentine’s date. I love to control things, like…a lot, so it was quite unbelievable that we headed out to our Valentine’s dinner with no reservations. Eeeek! But all ended up working out well. We went to our favorite restaurant but it had an hour and 45 minute wait so we left. We drove around to a few more places and no one had anything available for an hour or more. We came up with the idea to go to a little gem called the Bistro. I called in and it sounded promising and when we arrived another couple had just left the bar so we got seated immediately. They had a Valentine’s Day special: choice of soup or salad and bacon wrapped filet medallions with gorgonzola butter sauce and mashed potatoes and a dessert to share. It was delicious and perfect. And things can work out when they aren’t obsessed over in every single detail, go figure.

Josh got me some beautiful flowers (that looked a lot like my wedding bouquet), cotton candy, cherry Chapstick and Skittles. The man knows me well, y’all. When I woke up that morning I could also see that he planned on making a cute scavenger hunt out of it. My gifts, a card and post its were strewn all over the counter top and my skittles had a note on them that said “this is the first of the riddle, to find your next present, go find the griddle” and he was asleep on the couch with a half eaten bowl of Beefaroni. I could just see it and his attention deficit, he set it all out, wrote about the griddle and realized he was hungry, made food and fell asleep. When he woke up that morning he just went “No, Dammit!” It was the thought that counts anyway.


So I’d say we had a successful Valentine’s Day and I hope to continue my appreciation and thoughtfulness in our marriage. And I will continue to be thankful to God, give him the control and pray that He has the best laid plans I could ever imagine.

Best wishes,




9 thoughts on “No Disease or Divorce

  1. wowzas girl! What a sweet man you got there and those rice krispies sure do look scrumptious. And I don’t think you have to worry about disease or a divorce being in God’s plan for your life 😉 He doesn’t author those things…so no worries 😉 xoxoxo

  2. okay…so I think my comment came out wrong…what I meant was that He isn’t planning those things for your life. hehe! But if the devil throws them at you, I know that He will do everything in His power to turn it around for your good. Which is why I think those happy ever endings happen to some people.

  3. I had a dream, nightmare really, where my husband told me I was “the worst wife ever.” Also, that he had a child with someone else that he hadn’t known about and was ten years old. It was definitely at a time I wasn’t feeling the best about myself or being a woman. By being a woman, I mean the whole not being able to stay pregnant situation and not conceiving. Glad you had a nice Valentine’s Day. The scavenger hunt was a sweet thought, even if it didn’t fully get executed.

    • Maybe that’s what it is for me, too. I have been feeling insecure about my body not working the way it should. I have also gained 16 pounds since this time last year (I just saw it on a doctor’s treatment plan from February 2014 while getting tax stuff together) and I haven’t changed anything about my diet except for maybe that I eat healthier and exercise more now than before. I wish that I could at least control my weight. I am so glad I didn’t dream that Josh had a child with someone else, bless your heart. That would kill me, well now I’m going to dream of it tonight! :-/ And yes, Josh has some good ideas, he’s kind of a cheese ball, but I love him. He got the idea from Phil Dunphy on Modern Family.

  4. Hi there. I just found your blog and have enjoyed reading your past entries… a lot of them really express how I feel. I noticed you haven’t updated in over a year. How are you doing?

    • Hey! I am glad you can relate to the blog. We did another IVF that completely failed (we didn’t even make it to transfer). So we decided to just completely halt all our plans and pay off the debts. I got a new job, which I absolutely love and Josh is working really hard at his business. My Dad and Grandpa actually both got sick at the same time so I ended up taking care of them over the past year. We are just focused on having fun. And we are loving it! 🙂 I don’t know if we will try again or not, we have been looking into adoption, but not very seriously.

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