We all know that one of the hardest parts about infertility is all the waiting: waiting on doctor appointments, procedures, test results and most importantly, waiting to get our sweet babies and become parents. For a long time, I felt like my life was on hold while waiting, and I eventually learned to not wish time away and make the most of these moments where my life felt like it was just standing still while everyone else seemed to be progressing around me. I have even written about it a couple of times on this blog, here and here. But it’s worth mentioning over and over when it comes to infertility. I was reading “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Suess to my son last night and he even describes waiting in the most grueling way:
“You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.”
I follow author Beth McCord with Your Enneagram Coach on Instagram, and she recently posted: “How Each Enneagram Type Handles Waiting”. I read my type and immediately knew I had to make a post about this and how it relates to infertility. You really can apply it to any sort of waiting, but I of course thought of the things I’ve had to wait the longest for. I got her permission to use her post in my blog. I also really like the spirituality element she brought to it.
If you aren’t familiar with the Enneagram, I will give a short rundown. Truity.com describes the Enneagram as “a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions. The Enneagram describes nine personality types and maps each of these types on a nine-pointed diagram which helps to illustrate how the types relate to one another.” Don’t know your enneagram type? You can take the unofficial test for free here, or pay to take the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI® version 2.5) here. You can take all the tests in the world, but they say you need to read a lot about each type to decide which one hits you the most, usually it’s the type that makes you the most uncomfortable while reading about it. I took many tests and I scored pretty similarly on 1, 6 and 9 on each one. I really wanted to be a 9, but once I read more about in books and online, I realized I was definitely a One.
Basically, each type (types 1-9) has a core belief that motivates them, and that core belief shapes a lens from which they see the world and the people around them. Knowing and understanding your Enneagram type helps you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and why you behave the way you do. It also helps us understand the way we react to life’s stressors, such as infertility. I learned a lot about my Enneagram type through the book “The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.
Type One: Is the Reformer, also sometimes called the Moral Perfectionist. One’s core fear is of being wrong, evil, inappropriate, unredeemable, or corruptible. Their basic desires are to be good and honorable. They are typically orderly, ethical, appropriate and reliable.
As a Type 1, this was spot on for me, and I wish I would have seen this at least once in the last decade when I was struggling in seasons of waiting.
Type 2: Is the Helper. Two’s core fear is being unworthy of being loved or unwanted. Their basic desire is to be loved. They are typically caring, warm, people-pleasers and value relationships.
Type 3: Is the Achiever. A Three’s core fear is to be worthless or insignificant or to disappoint others. Their basic desire is to be valued and accepted. They are typically productive, efficient, and hard working.
Type 4: Is the Individualist. Their core fear is to have no identity or that they are plain, mundane or insignificant. Their basic desire is to be unique and authentic. They are typically expressive, creative and deep thinkers.
Type 5: Is the Investigator. Type 5s basic fear is that they will be thought of as useless, helpless or having obligations placed on you that will deplete your energy. Their basic desire is to be capable and competent. They are typically knowledgeable, intelligent and analytical.
Type 6: Is the Loyalist. Type 6s basic fear is of being without support or guidance. Their basic desire is to have support and safety. They are typically hardworking, reliable and trustworthy.
Type 7: Is the Enthusiast. Type 7s basic fear is of being deprived or in emotional pain. Their basic desire is to be satisfied and content in life. Type 7s are typically spontaneous, adventurous, optimistic and playful.
Type 8: Is the Challenger. Type 8s basic fear is being harmed or powerless/controlled by others. Their basic desire is to protect themselves and control their environment. Type 8s are confident, decisive, protective and resourceful.
Type 9: Is the Peacemaker. Type 9s basic fear is of having conflict, loss or separation. Their basic desire is to have peace and stability. 9s are accepting, easygoing, trusting, stable and agreeable.
No matter your enneagram type and how you handle waiting, I really hope you are learning to make the most of this most frustrating season of life. And that you aren’t stuck in the waiting place for too long.
First Comes Love 